๐ฌ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ณ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ป๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ท๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฎ๐๐๐๐๐
A few years ago, I hosted a writer's event at a local bookstore. At the time, I saw my book fiction-romance novel, Dismantled Hearts, more as a passion project. However, being an avid reader, I thoroughly enjoyed hosting and mingling with like-minded people. Attendees were invited to get on stage and read an excerpt from their book or project as part of the event. I decided to take the initiative and read a passage that I found resonated with some of the women. The feedback I received afterward was heartwarming, with several women telling me that I had described their experiences. The character I spoke about felt the need to maintain perfection in every aspect to keep her man interested. She went to great lengths to appear flawless and nearly exhausted herself in the process. This theme of striving for perfection struck a chord with many women in the audience.
For myself, I haven't had the same experience. I thought back on past relationships and never felt the need to be "perfect" for a man. Did I want to please him? Yes. But exhausting myself mentally and emotionally just to keep him interested? No. The fear here is less about the man and more about the woman; it indicates there's some internal work that needs to be done to address underlying insecurities. With social media, we're now hearing more stories from women who share how they strived for absolute perfection, only for their men to leave, cheat, or lose interest anyway. This crushes a woman's spirit, intensifying her fears. In these cases, it's likely women are choosing the wrong men to enter into relationships with. When you're with a real man, you won't have to strive for perfection or feel unworthy because he will make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. The question is: Will you own it?
Perfectionism with others
I remember going through a perfectionism phase in other areas of my life. Let's just say I'm a recovering perfectionist! As a mother, I felt the need to control everything. I put the pressure on my son, expecting him to live up to the high standards I had set in my mind. I saw (still do) great potential in him, but he wasn't progressing in the way I thought he should, so I tried to control the narrative. This approach backfired on me, big time.
Now, I let him be, allowing him to grow, make mistakes, and trust that he will become the person God created him to be. When he's not acting in the way that I raised him, I don't shut him out. I still love him. That's what a parent does; that's what God does with us. Yes, I give my opinions and suggestions, but overall, I step back and let him live and learn. I trust that he will eventually walk into his purpose and make a difference, just as God has spoken over his life.
Perfectionism with self
There were times when I made mistakes and dwelled on them for far too long, trying everything to right a wrong. I realized, much like I did with my son, that I needed to give myself some grace and understand that I am still a work in progress. We all are, and always will be! I remember reaching a point where I began learning from my mistakes, cutting out bad habits, maturing, and doing the inner work to become more like God. There were promises that were made over my life years ago, and it felt like I had to be pruned into a perfect person before I could receive what He promised me. I felt like I would be waiting forever if that was the case. I recall yelling out once, "Lord, what else do you want from me?" I felt like I could never measure up to God's standard.
I'm now beginning to see glimpses of what lies ahead for my future and strongly believe that it will be so significant that I need to be my absolute best self (not perfect) going into it. Otherwise, the weight of the promise might overwhelm me and cause me to retreat. I'm realizing that God's work in me has not been in vain but more so to ensure I reach my full capacity for what He has promised. As Revelation 3:19 (MSG) says, "The people I love, I call to accountโprod and correct and guide so that they'll live at their best."
God's view
What I love about God is that He isn't looking for perfect people to fulfill His will; Heโs looking for the obedient. Today, free yourself from the burden of trying to earn God's favor through rule-keeping and focus on the transformative power of a personal relationship with Him and embracing His unconditional love. Christ alone is sufficient for salvation (deliverance from sin and its consequences), and adding legal requirements undermines the gospel. Salvation is a gift of grace, not something that can be earned by human effort. Read Galatians 2:15-22 (MSG) to learn more on this.
There are people who hesitate to seek God because they feel they must stop sinning first. Understand that God wants you to come as you are, and over time, He will change you. As a believer, I've grown tremendously in Christ, but there are still areas where I need continuous growth; it truly is a lifelong journey. Donโt let the opinions of others or your own shame hold you back from getting to know Him. Remember, perfectionism doesnโt exist, no matter what people try to portray. God is the only one who doesnโt make mistakes, especially when it comes to you. I hope this sets you free today!
Until next time!
- Authoress J. Henry, XOXO
๐ถ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐, ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Most readers finish the book in an average of 2 days. Great book for men to read too. ๐๐
Also available on Amazon Kindle
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