๐ต๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ช๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ช๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฏ๐๐๐
In the beginning of the book, Dismantled Hearts, one of the characters takes a trip down memory lane reflecting on the difficult journey she faced while parenting her son through his mental health challenges. As the story unfolds, glimpses of a hopeful shift begin to take place and life starts to get better again.
Right before Covid, I started volunteering at detention centers for young boys. I was part of a community-focused organization, and when they asked, I jumped at the opportunity without hesitation because it was a cause I cared about. I remember walking into a room of 15 boys, wondering, "๐โ๐ฆ ๐ค๐๐ข๐๐ ๐กโ๐๐ฆ ๐๐๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ก๐ ๐๐?" My first workshop was on Effective Communication, a skill I usually teach to adults. I adjusted the material to fit the 13-17 age group. To my surprise, the boys were actively engaged, asking lots of questions and clearly enjoying the workshop. Afterward, an employee complimented how well I captured their attention and how much the boys seemed to learn. That really made my heart smile.
After my initial workshop, I became a regular, volunteering at the same detention center and eventually expanding to high schools and mental health facilities. My aim was to educate the younger generation on various soft skills such as time and stress management, professionalism, ethics, etiquette and more. These workshops took place during a difficult time as I was dealing with my son's own mental health and behavioral challenges; further deepening my commitment to this cause.
Growing up, mental health wasn't often talked about, and it only became a significant part of my life when my son entered his teenage years. I didn't understand it at the time. I focused on him getting good grades and excelling. Then one day he said to me, "Mom, I know you care about my grades, but what about me?" This hit me like a ton of bricks. It was this moment, I realized that I was more focused on him doing, and less on his being. I encouraged him to open up about his struggles, and over time, it became apparent that he was silently suffering.
At this point, I did everything possible as a mother to understand and manage his mental health. We pursued individual and joint therapy sessions, consulted psychologists, and explored various diagnoses, later resulting in medication management sessions. Amidst the challenges of hospital visits, suspensions, expulsions, unprocessed emotions, breakdowns, outbursts, and isolation, mentors and supportive figures naturally stepped in, offering guidance and support to help him find his way again. I've tried many different ways to help my son. If there was a resource available, I pursued it.
Before we came to this halt, he was involved in numerous activities: basketball, football, in a hip hop dance group, part of plays, soloist in school concerts, played the violin, took up boxing, in karate, attended a cotillion, made honor roll multiple times and one of the youngest to win a spelling bee at his school. Yet, despite keeping him actively engaged, this experience taught me that mental health challenges can overshadow even the most successful pursuits if not properly addressed.
Many people struggle with disorders like depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, and IED, among others. As parents, it's crucial not to overlook your child's behavior but to act early on. Do your research, seek help, and take advantage of the resources available. The good news is that mental health is now getting the attention it deserves. Early intervention can make a significant difference, yet challenges may still persist into adulthood. Once they're adults, your influence may not be as strong. They must then choose to seek help, and without it, you might find yourself in the painful position of watching them struggle, unable to intervene. There's no escaping mental health struggles; at some point, help is necessary. Without it, one can remain trapped in a cycle of difficulty.
Through my volunteer efforts and the experiences with my son I have become an advocate for mental health, self-care and mindfulness. I have compassion for people and when someone else may see a person who is lost or lazy, I see them from a different lens. There's likely an underlying issue that people deal with, so I don't judge. I believe that God has a purpose for every person and usually people who struggle mentally end up being the most creative and smartest people and can be used for God's purpose in a mighty way.
Self-care is important for parents because while navigating these issues with your child, you may find yourself breaking down, especially if it's a long, never-ending cycle that you gave every part of yourself to. It is a very challenging experience to witness someone you love losing themselves. One crucial aspect of support is setting boundaries and not tolerating ongoing negative behaviors. The main way you can continue to be supportive is by taking care of yourself. This could look like going for daily walks in your neighborhood to clear your mind, listening to music that inspires you, going out to get ice cream, going to the movies, etc.
As a parent, it's also crucial to have a relationship with God when experiencing this type of challenge with your child because he will speak to you on how to handle them. He will let you know the best time to approach them, when to be quiet, when to pray for them heavily. It also is important because God will give you a word about your child's future, which is an anchor you can hold onto in the rough moments. You will not walk by sight, but by faith that they will become what God purposed for their life. It's important to continue to love them unconditionally, the way God loves us all. Pray over them, offer encouragement, support and consistently remind them of what God's says about them.
Until next time!
- Authoress J. Henry, XOXO
๐ถ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐, ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Most readers finish the book in an average of 2 days. Great book for men to read too. ๐๐
Also available on Amazon Kindle
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